This is Bree, signing out <3

Can what we want to express be distorted by words. I would say this as a question and I guess it really is a question but to me, it enrages me. Why? Because I believe the intentions of a person, is pure. At least at a point. It gets distorted because of their emotions. Perhaps because they’re nervous. Maybe because they’re afraid. Either way, I see people misunderstanding them as a person and their initial means. Whenever I see this, it drives me insane. Inside I boil and I want to lash out at the person but because of the authority they hold, it makes it difficult for me to actually do anything. However, I have been able to do things in certain situations. I’ll be telling you about both times. The times when I was able to do things and the times I wasn’t able to do shiz. However, both time, it saddens me that no one else sees the world the way I do. Partially because I’m hella stubborn (jk not always, I give in when I know I should. Not because they hold more authority than I do but because I truly believe they’re right) and partially because it’s hard to communicate with others when half the time, I’m thinking, wait what lol… -.- ok bye

So, number one. This is a personal belief. It’s a famous saying, usually said by elementary teachers and parents but I really try to enforce this in myself. Sadly, there are times, I fall out of line, but needless to say, I still try. “Don’t say anything if it’s not anything good.” I feel that Holden, in the book “Catcher In the Rye”, can relate to this also.

She came in and took her coat off right away and sort of chucked it on the bed. She had on a green dress underneath. Then she sort of sat down sideways on the chair that went with the desk in the room and started jiggling her foot up and down. She crossed her legs and started jiggling this one foot up and down. She was very nervous, for a prostitute. She really was. I think it was because she was young as hell. She was around my age. I sat down in the big chair, next to her, and offered her a cigarette.
“I don’t smoke,” she said.
She had a tiny little wheeny-whiny voice. You could hardly hear her. She never said thank you, either, when you offered her something. She just didn’t know any better.
“Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jim Steele,” I said.
“Ya got a watch on ya?” she said. She didn’t care what the hell my name was, naturally.
“Hey, how old are you, anyways?”
“Me? Twenty-two.”
“Like fun you are.”
It was a funny thing to say. It sounded like a real kid. You’d think a prostitute and all would say “Like hell you are” or “Cut the crap” instead of “Like fun you are.” (13.30-35)

This lady was a prostitute and soon after, she was “paid to talk to him” but in the end, he was swindled. He stood by his initial thoughts and didn’t waver when the man who introduced her to him made him pay $5 more. I know this example’s a bit on the smaller scale after I gave that dramatic introduction but it’s all about your morals and what you’re going to do with them you know?

Recently, I was with a group of friends, hanging out. We were hanging out together and guy A, insulted guy B right in front of him. Usually, his insults are taken as a joke and people laugh. But some people are more sensitive than others. It’s not even like he lives without common sense. In fact, he has a lot of it. So I do NOT know why he acts the way he does. Anyways, I tried to intercept and said something like hey no, his style is really great. .-. And the subject DID NOT change, he didn’t TONE it down a bit. Cutting me off, he said something like “no, his dancing is really sh*t”. I looked straight at him, and the people we were with. There were 5 of us. Every single one of them were laughing. Not chill. So, I walked away and didn’t come back.

Second example. The authority example. This is scary to me. you have so much authority, people look up to you, and they want to receive good feedback from you. So, I was taking a dance class outside of school and we were doing a project. We all put one move into the dance. While it was happening, this girl raised her hand and she asked if the teacher could repeat the footwork a couple times. (this one part) because she was having a hard time with it. The teacher misunderstood because the girl was stuttering (nervous) and couldn’t relay her message well. She gave her a look and the teacher said “no, you can put something into the choreo when it’s your turn. that’s how this works”. She thought she wanted to change the choreo and thought the student was giving her attitude. Right after she gave the harsh words, the student made a face because she was so hurt by the words because it was her first dance class and she didn’t know what she was doing but it didn’t look intentional. She looked as if she was going to cry. She was looking for words of encouragement not . not this. Of course, the student also misunderstood and thought the teacher was shutting her up because that was just the way she was. I wanted to help, but last year, the relationship the teacher and I had wasn’t good because I tried multiple times to help a student that got called out because weeks before, she had a sprained ankle but still didn’t recover and tried to explain that she couldn’t dance because it hurt her. The teacher thought she was making excuses because she didn’t want to put in the effort. Outside of class, she was always complaining about her ankle and how she couldn’t dance. She was pained over the fact she couldn’t perform with the class. In the end, I got thrown under the bus along with her because the teacher thought I was trying to make her excuses look valid. That student gave up on this teacher and isn’t doing dance this year. What we express can indeed be distorted by words.

In class, I cannot say what I have seen because I don’t want to call out people like that. A general example would be the reflection. We have an unlimited time to explain ourselves in words. Words that we can edit over and over to ensure that the final draft submitted didn’t deviate from our original thoughts. But, It’s hard to do that. Many people have a hard time explaining themselves, including myself. However, I received the grades I deserved but can I say that for the rest of us? Whether we received grades higher or lower than what we deserve, either way, our grades are distorted by a single assignment composed of our words. Some of us are crazy good at creating nonsense and making it sound like they’re the best students in the world. Some of the us are horrible at telling what we did and what we went through to complete what we did and end up receiving horrible grades. Before anyone starts to think, hey, that’s their fault. This is an English class. They should know how to organize their thoughts because their grades are in their hands. Many of us are not comfortable with talking about ourselves. Most don’t see this as a boasting opportunity but I know many who do and cannot fully give an essay filled with the best examples. To many, it’s just embarrassing.

We want to show our efforts but not through boasting. In the end, it comes out…well. Distorted. How do we fix this? Someone in our class mentioned a mix. Semester one was through reflection grading and semester two was all regular grading. People who’re embarrassed about talking about themselves and producing information during class do well in homework. These people did better in semester two. However, there are people who have to balance 200 different things every day (exaggeration but you know what I mean). These people make it up when they can and portray this in every way possible in their reflection essay. It’s hard to give the better to one over the other. Anyways, I’m getting off tangent.

2014-2015. My Junior year. I had many thoughts of the world and the people who lived within it. I often thought myself to be in the wrong but also to be the righteous one in the worst times. The difference between my own thoughts and the thoughts of another is the fact that it comes from another person. We were raised with different parents, surrounded by different people with different interests including our own. Can we find a common center to show our true souls? To have everyone fully understand when we’re all born with different…well, different everything(s). It’s definitely hard. It’s saddening really.


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